I look at these pictures and see a woman whose faith, courage and strength of character overcame her physical weakness. She willed herself to be here; to teach our boys about the love of the Almighty God. I am so blessed to have stood by her. And as Jon Courson so elequently stated about his 16-year-old daughter at her memorial service, I am privileged to have been able to hand her off to the perfect Husband, our Lord, Jesus Christ.
I stated in my last post that I am letting go of the struggle to hold on to our relationship. It’s not easy, and I fight a mental battle all the time…am I callous…am I moving on too fast…am I hiding from anything………….the games that we (and the Enemy) play. My comfort has come through the story of David and the loss of his young son (the son he had as a result of his affair with Bathsheba). He mourned and fasted for him day and night, refusing to eat or speak to anyone except God, whom he asked for healing. But when his son died, David got up, changed his clothes, worshipped God, and ate. His servants thought he was crazy. Maybe I am, too. But I realize that I cannot look back. What can I possibly change? And what do I gain by standing still? Paul tells us to press on toward the prize that awaits us; to finish the race.
I want so desperately to be a better man and father. God gave me today to work on it. That’s all. And when tomorrow comes, I will have another chance to live it out as passionately as I can. That’s what Jeseca did. And God (and the boys, and everyone else) deserve no less.