I have been so accustomed to writing; to having something to write about. These days, though, I feel as if the monotony of my days would bore the average third grader. So tonight, you get to see this great photo of me clowning around in Julian.
Honestly, my days are anything but boring, as I now do the job of both father and mother. You have no idea how much women actually do until you are faced with a situation like this. It’s laughable to think back on how far off I was when I would ask Jes why she wasn’t able to do a small task during the day. Seriously laughable. I get it now. Ladies, you are amazing.
I just saw the rough cut of a video I did for The Rock Academy – the boys’ school. I hope to have the full interview shortly so I can share a small portion of what we went through when Jeseca died. It’s still incredibly surreal. And yet God has sent people into our lives to help us through. Thank you, Lord, for your amazing faithfulness and love.
Two months ago I met a woman for the first time at work. She’d come in to show me a proof of a piece the airport was printing, and as I was back in the office, it was my job to approve it. I apologized for not being in the loop on that particular job, and indicated I’d been out for a while. She asked why, and when I told her about Jeseca’s passing, she started sobbing there in the upstairs lobby. It turned out that that day was the 16th anniversary of her husband passing away after his own battle with cancer. We chatted for a while after that, as you can imagine. Colleen, if you are reading this, I think of you often, and look forward to working with you again soon.
God brought us together at that amazing place in time so we could share each other’s pain and encourage each other. She went on to remarry, but what was so neat to me, and I told her so, was that the pain was still so raw 16 years later. That encouraged me so much. Not in any sick, sadistic way, but simply that Jeseca will always remain a part of our lives.
The hard thing is that I have had to go on. Life demands that I do. But I think of her so often. I look at the pictures of our 10th anniversary where we renewed our vows to each other. I see those that we took in Julian for our 11th. And I can’t help but shake my head. It really is hard to understand. But what isn’t? If you try to evaluate your life and the many choices and steps you’ve taken, can you possibly explain how you got to where you are now? No way. Yet everything for the believer in Christ is directed. Every step and every misstep. I say that because there have been so many times when I should have fallen and didn’t because God was still holding me up. I imagine that’s true for all of us.
Will the pain go away? I can’t imagine that it will. But I do know and trust that God will continue to shower us with his love, and with that, we will experience joy even in the sorrow this life brings. If I can just manage to remember that he really is in control of my every breath……JG