A few posts ago, I mentioned that I didn’t know if Jes will make it to our 11th anniversary. While I plan to speak with our oncologist this week to discuss the latest development, that date is still in question.
Based on everything we see, and all that she is experiencing, she is now in a state of cancer cachexia. If you’re interested, here are the details. I’ve read quite a bit about it at this point; none of it is encouraging. Essentially, her body is wasting away, and I hate it. We’re looking for homeopathic solutions to help her maintain any amount of nutrition, but it’s such a challenge for her to eat anything of real substance.
Our hope is that she will be able to put some weight back on, but as Jes has asked, will this just delay what God will do? I don’t know anymore. When it seems like it can’t get any worse, something else pops up to complicate things. I feel as if we’re putting scotch tape on a dam that’s about to break.
How long can she go on like this? Have we made any mistakes? Was there something we missed? Some other effort we should have made? Those are the questions we’re dealing with right now, and honestly, I don’t know that we have any good answers. We’re just trying to survive, one day at a time.
… … … … (long, long delay)
So here I sit. It’s 1:23 a.m. and after all of the thoughts and concerns and questions above, somehow God has brought me back to understanding that He knows how this turns out, and that taking up His “yoke” is a lot easier than shouldering everything on my own. What more can I say?
Now I’m smiling. Amazing.
There it is. We will never give up. And we will never stop hoping and believing that what we see is only a portion, a slice of the reality God has yet to reveal to us. The rest is up to Him. (I bet there are chariots of fire on the mountain right now.) JG