I hadn’t planned to post tonight. I’m finalizing the design for Jeseca’s (and my) headstone, otherwise known as a marker. Thumbing through Jeseca’s journals for a quote I might use, I came across the following entry dated May 1, 2007:
“Hello Lord, my King and Savior. I lay at your feet, feeling so done, so tired. Wishing that I could stay in bed all day, I instead push myself to get up, make breakfast for those boys, do school and try to make it through dinner…sometimes in too much pain to bear. I am too weak now to do much, and my poor sweetie has had to take over things like laundry, dishes, etc., even while he is burdened with work and his dad’s business. He gets up at 4:45 every morning to work out and study the Bible, and then stays up until I go to bed around 10 or 11. He is such a good man; thank you, Lord.
“Even now I am getting too tired to write, but I want to thank you for speaking through Christian to me tonight. I was telling him and Everen how it may get to the point where I am in bed all the time, but to always trust and believe that God will heal me. Christian replied, “It’s like you’re going to take a snoozy-poo (nap) while God’s healing you!” Thank you, Lord, for letting me know it’s okay to rest and be sick. You are still healing me!”
There’s a TobyMac song titled, “I’m For You” that I used to sing to Jes. I thought of it as my anthem to her. I was wrong. It was her anthem to me and the boys. I’ve never seen such faith or love. Lord, make me like that. Like you. JG